Falling Down
by Out of My Grasp
Summary: AU "...all it took was one pilot to lose control for one second for his world to be shattered..." He tried to run away from the memories, from the pain, from her, but her hold on him is too strong to break. He dreams of her presence beside him, but eventually has to wake up to the cold reality that she isn't there to watch his back. He can't move forward in his life. He just can't.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I don't own Austin & Ally, nor do I own "Falling Down" by Nick Carter. I enjoy both of them though :D**

**This is my first fanfic, and I would really appreciate any advice or constructive criticism.**

* * *

The cemetery seemed to melt away when I saw her grave. My eyes over her birth and death date, but they disappeared when I read what was engraved on the stone. "There's no way I could make it without you."

I thought I had cried out every tear I had, so why were my eyes welling up again?

"Hey Ally," I murmured as I kneeled down. "I've been missing you." I shivered as a breeze picked up. If I looked out of the corner of my eye, I could have sworn I saw her small frame. But I knew it wouldn't be there.

I sat in the silence a little bit more, thinking about how much I missed her, then I returned to reality.

"Oh," I said as I pulled something out of my backpack. "Dougie missed you too." I set down the little dolphin on the grass. I seem crazy, but he seems more real than the life I see before me. I can't imagine a life without Ally. Never being able to sing the songs she wrote for me again. Never seeing her curled up in the practice room after pulling an all-nighter. Never being able to watch her from the corner as she acted like her dorky self. Just never being able to _be_ there for her ever again.

I started talking again. "I just wanted to let you know how things are going with the rest of us. We've all just been dealing with it differently. Trish is refusing to leave her room. Dez hasn't been taking it well either. He keeps throwing guitar picks at a dart board." I glanced back at the gravestone.

I smiled sheepishly, "I kinda trashed the practice room…"

* * *

_The shreds of paper fell around him like snow. The practice room was utterly destroyed. The curtains hung awkwardly, trying to regain some sort of balance without completely falling off. Snapped crayons littered the floor, coloring book pages among them. His guitar has random paint splashes scattering its surface. The beanbag chairs were spilling their insides out, and almost all the furniture was overturned onto the war zone that was the floor. He breathed heavily, staring at the only thing in the entire room left unmarred. Ally's piano stood like it always had, proud in its small way. It was exactly like Ally; to the rest of the world, it seemed small and insignificant, but to him, it was center of the universe. Her songbook lay on it, right where she left it the day she left. She was only supposed to go to New York for three days and then she would fly right back. She was coming home. And then the pilot lost control. _

_He waited at the airport for five hours looking for her. Even when the airport management told him she wasn't coming back, he wouldn't believe them. She had to come back. They had to write a song for the fans. Dez had to make an awesome video and Trish would go get fired and get a new job. That was how it was supposed to be. Not anything like this_

Maybe I should go touch her book, _he thought. Yeah. He should try to read her book. She would pop right up and say "Don't touch my book." He would turn around real fast and get a heart attack and have to call an ambulance and … wait. That would hurt. _

_He would let go of the breath he was holding ever since she left and never let go of her again. He just couldn't stop missing Ally. She was his world, and all it took was one pilot to lose control for one second for his world to be shattered. _

_He reached over to touch her book, desperate for that to happen, to be able to hold Ally in his arms again. His knees buckled underneath him before he could take a step, and the tears leaked out of his eyes faster than ever before._

_An hour later, Dez found him exactly like that. On his knees in the middle of a battlefield, shaking with the silent sobs of a devastated man and a heartbroken boy._

* * *

"I've been trying to get you out of my head, but it's not working. I keep thinking that you're going to just show up for work at Sonic Boom one day with this little bounce in your step. You're going to look for me through the customers and get annoyed that I'm playing the piano with carrots again, but then your face will just light up when it gives you an idea for a new song." I paused. "I guess I just can't deal with the fact that you're gone, so I keep pretending you're not. I'm pretty sure Dez is getting worried about it, but, to be completely honest, I really don't care."

I bit back a laugh. "To think Dez is the one keeping us all together, huh?" I smiled, "But you were always the one doing that. I knew that day when you agreed to write me a song that my life would change. I just didn't know it would change this much. I don't know if I regret playing the drums with the corndogs, meeting you. All I know is that I regret not making you stay here, in Miami, with me."

I cleared my throat. "I wrote a song. Normally you would gasp and run to give me a hug if I said that, but I guess this isn't exactly normal, is it?" I managed to grin as I pulled out my guitar. It still had paint splashes all over it. I don't think I'll ever wash them off, though, now that they're there, and I will never replace this guitar either. I spent too many good times with Ally and this guitar to do that.

The first chords rang out from the guitar. They filled the air before dancing off into heaven, where I hope Ally will hear them.

_It's so cold  
__In this room  
__And I'm trapped inside your heart  
__All by myself__  
_

_All alone  
__And you see  
__And I'm sinking like a ship  
__I'm going down__  
_

_And I don't want to live my life without you  
__The hardest thing I'll ever do  
__Is try to pick myself up off the ground__  
_

_Try to outrun  
__All the memories  
__But I keep falling down  
__I keep falling down__  
_

_And it's like you still  
__Got a hold on me  
__Cuz I keep falling down  
__I keep falling down__  
_

_I can't sleep  
__I can't dream  
__Cuz your shadow's here in the corners of my head *_

_And this pain's  
__So insane  
__I'm still haunted by the stupid things I've said  
__All those things I said__  
_

_And I don't want to live my life without you  
__The hardest thing I'll ever do  
__Is try to pick myself up off the ground__  
_

_Try to outrun  
__All the memories  
__But I keep falling down  
I __keep falling down_

_And it's like you still  
__Got a hold on me  
__Cuz I keep falling down  
I__ keep falling down_

My voice broke as I sang the next lines

_And how do I let go  
__I know I should move on__  
_

It raised into an agonized wail as the words echoed around the graveyard

_But without you I don't know where I belong  
__And everywhere I go  
__Every happy face I see  
__It reminds of the way it used to be__  
_

_Woah-ah-oh_

_Woah-ah-oh_

_Try to outrun  
__All the memories  
__But I keep falling down  
__I keep falling down__  
_

_And it's like you still  
__Got a hold on me  
__Cuz I keep falling down  
__I keep falling down__  
_

_Woah-ah-oh_

_I keep falling down_

_Woah-ah-oh_

_I keep falling down_

_Woah-ah-oh_

_I keep falling down_

_Woah-ah-oh_

_I keep – _I couldn't finish the line.

"I just wanted you to know how much I miss you," I whispered. The slight figure I thought I saw seemed to smile and disappear. If it was Ally, I let her slip out of my fingertips again. But I didn't dwell on that. Mostly.

I kissed the gravestone and walked away. Dougie stayed behind.

* * *

**A/N: Welp, that was depressing. I just hope that you guys enjoyed the story, and you should definitely check out the song "Falling Down" by Nick Carter. I saw a video of him performing this song for his deceased sister and I just started bawling. I based Austin's performance a bit on that one, and I hope it was enough to get you crying too. If not, I'm doing a bad job as an author :1. Well, thanks for reading. Please R&R :D**

** * I changed this line because the original line didn't seem that applicable :/**


	2. Author's Note

**A/N: Ok, the first chapter for the sequel is up now. It's called "To Let Go", and I've included a link to it below. Thank you to those who have read and reviewed, and I hope you'll continue to follow Austin as he learns to let go. :)**

s/9126044/1/To-Let-Go


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